Proud: a Talk Shoppe LGBTQ+ Roundtable
By: Mariana Anguiano, Senior Research Manager at Talk Shoppe
Mariana (she/her) is a Senior Research Manager at Talk Shoppe. Fluent in Spanish, and possessing an innate openness and empathy, Mariana brings warmth and sure-handed expertise to every project. At home, Mariana enjoys gardening - coaxing vegetables from the soil or peaches from her tree - and doing yoga.
“How can people change their minds about us if they don’t know who we are?”
I recently had the opportunity and privilege to connect with some of my co-workers, for a candid conversation about their experience as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. This thought piece is meant to be a bird’s eye view into their journey, written with the intent of highlighting their experiences - the highs and the lows - so that anyone willing to read and reflect can show up as a stronger ally for LGBTQ+ co-workers, friends, and loved ones.
Their Journeys:
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer, Non-binary. Regardless of how my co-workers identify, their journeys all started when they were little. And it was a start marked by a feeling of being different, of not belonging. And other kids picked up on that. Throughout their formative childhood and teenage years - life stages in which everything feels big and intense at all times - they suffered from bullying, rejection, and isolation. There is no other way to put it: these were dark times.
“The kids picked up on me being different and so with that came bullying, and then came depression & low self-worth. It was really rough.”
“They really messed with my self-esteem. I was ostracized from my church Youth Group and wasn’t allowed to go on a mission trip with my friends which was really hard.”
And while everyone had different experiences when they did eventually ‘come out’ to family, friends, and community, they all agreed on this: for the first time, in a long time, they felt truly accepted and seen. The act of coming out brought on a rush of happiness and relief. Having people that they could confide in, and feel free around, brought much-needed brightness & community. There was, finally, some light.
“Growing up, my cousin would tell me, ‘It’s okay to be who you are.’ She was my rock...And then, my Mom, too. She would share history lessons on the Mayans and examples of the community being present there, too, and be all excited and open to learning. I felt like I could breathe with them.”
“He knew what I was going through, he saved me in a lot of ways…my family friend gave me a ‘Coming Out Survival Guide.’ I will never forget that. And then seeing that he also had a lot of gay friends that were adults and I could see what that looked like; it was everything. He & my therapist really supported me.”
“My Mom told me: You don’t need to say anything, just know that I love you unconditionally.”
“I remember going to Sears and being able to choose clothes from the clothing department I wanted and I was like, ‘Ooohh yes! This is my moment. It was a real win.”
Today, my co-workers are thriving. Feelings of sadness and isolation have given way to beautiful, fulfilling lives in which they feel loved, supported, and accepted by their loved ones. Importantly, their remembered feelings of ostracization - gone but not forgotten - have instilled in them the importance of extending self-acceptance and feelings of belonging onto others. It has shaped how they think of their families, such as being more conscious of the well-being and integration of their own children (current or future). This sentiment mirrors that of the LGBTQ+ parent community at large: a recent Talk Shoppe study called ‘Parenting in the New Era’ reveals that a significantly larger proportion of LGBTQ+ parents - compared to Heterosexual parents - in the United States worry about their child being different from others and about their child's mental health & well-being.
State of the Nation:
Though progress is real, so is vigilance. My teammates live in New York and California - two states that we could call a “bubble” or “safe haven” for the LGBTQ+ community when we compare them to other states in the U.S. But, these past handful of years? It’s different. Old feelings of anxiety, apprehension, and hurt are resurfacing as the rhetoric and actions taken against them are a fire we can’t seem to contain.
For example, did you know…
For the first time in its four-decade history, America’s largest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer civil rights organization the HRC has declared a national state of emergency for members of the LGBTQ+ community.
According to the American Civil Liberties Data, at least 520 anti-LGBTQ bills were introduced, with 70 of them enacted, in just the first quarter of 2023 – a new record and twice the number of such bills introduced all of last year.
“I feel like I am in the movie ‘V for Vendetta.’ And it’s scary to think that way…I feel like I am in a movie, and I am hoping that I don’t get that knock on the door and get bagged and taken away.”
“You feel powerless, helpless…I can’t imagine what kids in other states [outside of California] are going through, especially Trans kids. There is so much going on and it comes your way more when you leave your “bubble.”
Companies & Their Allyship:
By now we have all seen the backlash some brands are experiencing as they remove LGBTQ+ items or move them to the backs of stores, tucked away where they can’t be seen; it’s easy to feel jaded about any brand/company doing any type of recognition during PRIDE and beyond. But! There are companies doing it ‘right’ and showing their support in ways beyond changing their icon to the rainbow flag.
Authentically showing up as an ally looks like this:
Having internal policies and initiatives that match the public ‘support’
Creating safe spaces internally where employees feel comfortable being ‘out’ (e.g., LGBTQ+ clubs, sports teams, people sharing their pronouns and opening the dialogue/cueing it is a safe space)
Advocating for the LGBTQ+ community beyond Pride month; being silent the rest of the year is a red flag
Funding/supporting political and economic organizations fighting against anti-LGBTQ+ legislation
Standing ground against local legislation encroaching on LGBTQ+ rights
“IBM added sexual orientation to their non-discrimination policy way back in 1984; they began providing domestic partner benefits in 1996; added gender identity expression to their equal opportunity policy in 2002; council to end HIV work-discrimination in the workplace. They are an example of a company doing a lot - and not just in terms of their offerings but going beyond and trying to impact policies in the greater community.”
Celebrating Pride!
To wrap up our roundtable in a lighter tone, I asked my co-workers what it was they cherished most about PRIDE as members of the LGBTQ+ community. The heaviness instantly shifted, and excitement and peace seamlessly took the front row.
(For those of you who are not aware, PRIDE - a month dedicated to celebration & activism in honor of the LGBTQ+ community - holds its origins in the summer of 1970. PRIDE’s maiden voyage parade took place on June 28, 1970 at the 1-year anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising; New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles were the first host cities.)
For my co-workers, PRIDE is a time:
To be who they are, in their fullest glory and beauty, without pause
For reflection & honoring of members and allies who have paved the way toward progress
To re-energize their spirits to keep on the good fight, rallying towards freedom & equality for all
Of course - a time of celebration, featuring some of *the* best parties of the year! Glitter x Glitter x Glitter!
“To me, Pride is a time to embrace and express my authentic self without fear or shame. It's an opportunity to connect with the broader LGBTQ+ community…a reminder of the power of love, acceptance, and unity. It's a time to be proud of who we are, to stand tall, and to continue the journey towards a world where every individual, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity, can live with dignity, respect, and equality.”
In its essence, PRIDE is a powerful & timeless reminder for us all of everyone’s right to live their lives as they intend to, without oppression or ostracization.
Talk Shoppe is proud to be minority-owned and stands for the rights, dignity, and liberties of all through inclusive hiring practices and donations to the ACLU and The Trevor Project.